Am I queer enough? How to find your Pride online

john rambo

Welcome to TNW Pride 2020. We’ll be covering tech-related Pride stories and putting a much needed spotlight on the LGBTQPIA+ STEM community and its history all throughout the month of June. I’ve been out for exactly two weeks and, let me tell you, I’m exhausted. Before June, I was a technology […]

Welcome to 🏳️‍🌈TNW Pride 2020🏳️‍🌈. We’ll be covering tech-related Pride stories and putting a much needed spotlight on the LGBTQPIA+ STEM community and its history all throughout the month of June.

I’ve been out for exactly two weeks and, let me tell you, I’m exhausted.

Before June, I was a technology journalist. Now I’m a queer journo. It’s not an official distinction. I’m not getting paid for it, but I sure am being taxed. My time is taxed when I’m forced to choose between using my voice to advance the struggle for queer equality or focusing on personal endeavors like my career and family. And my time is also taxed by bigots whether I ignore, engage, or attempt to educate them.

It’s been 14 days, and if it weren’t for Twitter, Reddit, Facebook, Instagram, and thousands of online reporters, bloggers, and activists I’d be lost already. I’m not even sure if I’m queer enough for Pride.

And I’m not the only one. Having interviewed about a dozen people for our Pride month coverage so far, a theme I’m seeing is that most of us, at some point or another, wonder if we’re queer enough. Some of us don’t even know that Pride is actually about us. We might think Pride is only for the fabulous and flamboyant, or only for people who are in queer relationships.

Credit: GoToVan

Some of us don’t think we’re queer enough because we don’t look like the people in the iconic images the media loves to show off during its minimal Pride coverage. But pictures of queer BDSM groups and pop stars performing on giant floats make more intriguing magazine covers for heteronormative audiences than a bunch of relatively not-queer-appearing people politely carrying, for example, an asexual flag.

[Read: TNW’s guide to virtual Pride 2020 events]

Lucky for us, we live in a digital world. When I started contemplating coming out last year, I went to Reddit to see if there were other people like me. I’d never met an out cis-male pansexual or demisexual (ironically, while editing this article I found out my colleague Napier is an out demisexual who has struggled with many of the same questions). And I found the r/demisexual and r/asexuality boards invaluable. Anyone can use Google to learn terminology and dictionary definitions, but Reddit is an excellent resource for discovering what the experience of being queer is like.

Reddit taught me that not only are there people out there like me, but that those people are all different. No two queers are alike.

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